nearlylauura (nearlylauura) wrote,

  • Music:

Indifference To His Touch (Part 1//Chapter 7)

Rating: R (language and drugs)
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan, Brendon/Dallon
POV: 1st, Brendon’s
Word count: 3669
Summary: The Outspoken are undoubtedly the next biggest thing in the world of music, and Brendon should feel lucky that his boyfriend is part of it. But when the elusive guitarist Ryan Ross gets involved, Brendon finds touring with the band more complicated than he ever expected.
Disclaimer: Fiction.

Chapter 7

The atmosphere in the dressing room is serene. We’re a week into the tour so the original hype as died down and now we are all focused on simply getting the job done and trying to enjoy it. The band members and roadies are spread out around the room, some conversing quietly, while Dallon remains loyally by my side, making small talk and occasionally swooping in for an endearing kiss.

Ryan sits on the sofa facing us, staring blankly ahead while picking idly at his fingers. His legs are crossed, causing the hem of his tight jeans to hitch up slightly. Not that I notice because I’ve taken an oath to myself not to take any further interest in Ryan Ross because he is in no way gay and therefor it would be stupid to pine after him while I have a perfect boyfriend who is perfect.

Dallon’s hand strokes soothingly down my cheek as he gives me any easy smile. My eyes do not flicker between him and Ryan’s oblivious gaze at all. They remain focused on Dallon. And so I do not notice the way that Ryan’s hand clenches into a fist momentarily just as Dallon leans into kiss me once more although if I did notice, I’m sure the two events would be totally unrelated.

A quiet knock sounds through the room, disturbing the peace momentarily. It’s Sisky who clambers from his comfy position on the couch to answer the door. He pulls it open and I only see the grin that spreads across his face for a second before he is pulled sharply forward into what I presume to be a tight hug.

‘Keltie!’  Sisky’s voice rings inside the quiet room. Ryan instantly tenses, his fingers seizing from picking absently and instead coming down to clamp onto the sofa cushion. Suddenly a smile is plastered on his face as he rises from his seat and strides over to the door only to be met halfway by a lean girl.

I could almost describe the smile as fake.

The girl with her arms wrapped lovingly round Ryan is, it has to be said, beautiful. Her long, flowing blonde locks fall carefully down her slim figure. The blue legwarmers tucked around her ankles paired with the leotard barely visible through the white tank top are evidence of her dancing.

Her smile is pure as she releases Ryan and glances around the room. ‘Hey guys!’ Her voice is sickly sweet. Eugh. Her gaze stops on me and Dallon, who still has his arm wrapped around me in a lover’s embrace.

‘Introduce me to the guys, Rybear!’ She says, not taking her eyes off us but sneaking an arm around Ryan who returns the gesture.

‘You know Pat, Sisky, Spence and Jon of course.’ He says, pointing to each one in turn. ‘And then that’s Sarah, Zack and then, uh, Dallon and Brendon.’

Keltie’s eyes narrow slightly when she realises that Ryan unthinkingly presented us at a joint force. But then a smile slips onto her face. ‘Are you guys together?’ She says, almost squeaking with unnecessary excitement.

‘Yeah,’ Dallon smiles as he presses a kiss to my forehead. A small smile creeps onto my face as well, but it’s forced.

‘Oh my God. That’s so adorable, right Ry?’

‘Uh yeah, yeah, I guess.’ Ryan says with a dismissive tone. It appears as though Ryan is trying to struggle out of Keltie’s hold but she just clutches him tighter.

The sudden tension is broken by the sound of the support band starting their set out on stage. Keltie pulls Ryan over to the couch and they snuggle up together, Ryan’s lips ghosting over her hair. Something drops in my gut. Jealous? Me? No.

‘You know what?’ Jon speaks up suddenly. ‘We should throw a party for Ryan’s snuggle kitten’s arrival!’ The whole room gives an amused chuckle except Dallon and I. Uh, what the hell?

‘That’d be totally awesome!’ Keltie replies, glancing at Ryan who gives her an encouraging lopsided smile. And so the entire room throws themselves into party planning, even Dallon.

I take Dallon’s hand and drag him over to another sofa when there is a slight pause in the conversation and snuggle myself into him. Two can play at that game.

Dallon seems happy to let his hand rest on my shoulder but I drag it so it’s around my waist, enabling me to shuffle closer to him. I press my lips against his ear and I feel him lean into the touch. Perfect.

I glance over to Ryan and Keltie who are still absorbed into small touches but I see Ryan’s eyes dart towards Dallon and I. A smug grin settles on my face.

I start to nibble at Dallon’s ear as he discusses venues with Patrick. He freezes before settling back into the touch. I being to graze his jawline with my nose and I feel his hand tighten on my waist.

I slowly press my lips against that spot on his neck that I know makes him crazy. What makes Keltie so great anyway? She’s missing vital body parts. Such as a cock. I have a cock. I could give Ryan so much more than her. I could-

‘Bren?’ Dallon has turned his head to mutter in my ear but it isn’t in a ridiculously turned on voice like a planned, it actually sounds a bit pissed.

I pull my head back a bit to glare at him.

‘What are you doing?’ He asks.

I cock my head in confusion. What does it look like I’m doing?

‘You’re not usually one for public affection.’ Dallon chuckles. He’s right, I’m not usually but this situation calls for some mild groping.

‘Why? Is there a problem with my affection.’ I reply as I run my hand up his thigh. I feel him tense again.

Dallon swallows audibly. ‘No.’ He shoots me a confused look before continuing his prior conversation.

I risk another glance over to Ryan. Ha. He looks distressed. Maybe even slightly upset. Of course, it could be completely unrelated to what just happened with my boyfriend and I, but I have a feeling they are connected.

I lean back into the sofa with an accomplished smirk.

- - -

Ryan excuses himself for a cigarette break and I leap at the opportunity.

‘I think I left Sisky’s spare picks on the bus!’ I tell Dallon as I stride towards the door, out into the hallway and down towards the exit. I walk fast enough to just catch a glimpse of Ryan climbing into the tour bus. I quickly follow after him, only barely registering the large gathering of teenagers congregating behind a tall wire fence. Their screams die down once Ryan has disappeared from sight but they almost pick up again when they catch sight of me. It doesn’t take them long to realise I’m not famous and, therefor, not worth screaming over.

I step through the doorway and enter the bunk area where Ryan is searching through his bag.

‘Just looking for a light, I’ll be out in a bit’ Ryan says, not acknowledging whom it is that followed him out.

‘Rybear.’ I reply, a smirk in my tone. He startles and drops the bag to the floor before he glances my way cautiously and sinks to the ground to pick it back up again.

‘What?’ He asks with sudden anger.

‘It’s kind of a stupid name. In fact not kind of, it is a stupid name.’

‘Yeah? And Brenny boy is so much better.’ He snorts.

‘That’s just Gabe’s fucked up way of screwing around, you know that. Dallon doesn’t have any ridiculous pet names for me.’ I spit. ‘Unlike you and your precious girlfriend.’

‘Oh? That’s what this is about? All the touching between you and Dallon? No, molesting in fact. It was just you being jealous. You have no right to be, you know? Take a hint, babe, I’d be fucking Gabe before I fucked you.’ Ryan chuckles bitterly.

‘I wouldn’t put fucking Gabe past you. You’re a promiscuous arsehole as it is, and I’d love to tell Keltie just how unfaithful her dear Rybear really is.’

‘I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t give a fuck.’ Ryan actually laughs this time. Bending over slightly in an attempt to control his wheezing.

‘What?’ I ask confused.

‘You honestly think me and Keltie meaning anything to each other?’

‘Uh… yeah. Generally that’s the point of a relationship.’

‘Fuck. How blind are you? It’s not even a real relationship. Publicity shit. She doesn’t give a crap about who I fuck as long as it’s not her.’

‘Then what was with all the cuddling?’ I ask sceptically. I can’t let Ryan see that I care. Because I don’t. Not at all.

‘Just because I don’t want to fuck her doesn’t mean the rest of the guys don’t. I need to keep her for the media and shit, if it got out she slept with another member of the band then shit’d be kicked up. They’d expect me to freak out and break up the band or something when I honestly wouldn’t give a crap. It’s just easier to use petty affection to keep them the hell away from her.’

‘That sort of makes sense. I guess.’ I clear my throat uncomfortably, feeling like an idiot.

‘Obviously.’ Ryan says as he slams past me and out of the bus, muttering to himself.

Well shit.

- - -

I try to avoid Ryan as much as possible in an attempt to not piss him off anywhere than I already have. It’s not my fault I misread the situation. Somebody should have told me. Anybody.


My plan, however, is proving difficult, as I am still required to deliver his instruments to him on stage. He doesn’t make eye contact with me once, proof of his annoyance. I feel crap.

Keltie stands loyally offstage, humming along occasionally. I can’t help but study her. Why did Ryan pick her? He could have anybody but he picked a dancer. She doesn’t even look like she’d be a very good one. I bet I could ask Ryan.

But I can’t.

The rest of the guys get on well with her. Ryan’s not here to keep them away from her so she’s flirting shamelessly. He doesn’t even glance her way.

There is a sudden tinny ring echoing from Keltie’s jacket. She reaches her hand into a small pocket and pulls out a vibrating phone, pressing a button before pushing it to her ear.

A smile is spread on her face at first, but it soon melts into concern and then anger. She snaps a few last words into the device before tucking it back into the jacket with a bit too much force.

Keltie head swivels around searching for somebody before she spots me and marches over.

‘I have to go. Emergency dancing thing. Tell Ryan for me would you. Thanks.’ Is all she says before she darts off.

I scoff as I watch her go. What kind of emergency could dancing hold? It’s dancing for fuck sake.

I put the thoughts out of my mind and continue on with my job.

At the end of the show when the band files off stage I grasp Ryan’s hand in my own and say ‘Keltie has to go. She says sorry.’ No she doesn’t.

Something close to anger glints in Ryan’s eye but he nods and I release his hand, allowing him to leave.

Clearly he cares some for Keltie. But the thought isn’t comforting.

- - -

The music blares from the speakers hidden around the room though the night has already progressed into early morning. My eyelids droop from exhaustion but the party is still thriving so who I am to be a killjoy?

I haven’t seen Dallon in what feels like hours. It’s a big crowd so it was only to be expected that I’d lose sight of him at some point but that doesn’t make the sense of loss any less.

Instead of mingling with my better halves’ future famous friends, I stand resigned in a corner feeling out of place. I don’t belong here and everybody knows it. Dallon doesn’t belong here either, but his disappearance suggests he’s doing better than me.

I don’t even know why I am here. At this A-List party surrounded by celebrities who wouldn’t give me the time of day even if I offered my soul in return.

Being here at this time in this place just makes me put everything into perspective.

When Dallon joined the band, I expected to be left behind in New York sobbing; my only thoughts dancing around when I would next see him. Maybe a few late night phone calls but nothing more.

However, for some reason, I find myself invited along on the tour. ‘Bren,’ Dallon had said with puppy dog eyes one night, ‘I want you to come on tour with me.’

None of the other guys have brought their lovers so I see no reason as to why I’m here. Not that I’m complaining, it’s a chance to see America in all it’s glory and I can’t help but be star struck by the possibility of experiencing fame first hand.

I don’t think the rest of the band knows why I’m here either. Perhaps just to keep Dallon company; he’s the new guy so he’s bound to feel left out. But I know my boyfriend. He would have charmed his way into the crowd without me so I end up feeling like an awkward barrier between him and his new band mates.

It makes me feel slightly better that at least Ziplok gave me a reason to be here as a roadie even though I haven’t been very good at it. But the guys haven’t said anything.

They’ve been more than welcoming really so there’s no reason for me to be complaining. Especially Ryan. I don’t think he sees me as an outsider. I’m one of the guys to him. He’s not judging me. I think. Hope.

I see Dallon swerving through the crowded dance floor towards me, a few metres away, looking at me with a smile spread on his face. I grin in return and raise my glass in acknowledgement. After a few paces a short girl stops him with long black hair twisting down her back. His face becomes concerned before he nods and breaks into one of his signature heart-warming smiles, the kind he usually saves for me, following the girl back over towards the bar without giving me another glance.

No jealousy pools in my stomach as would have roughly a week ago. I know better now. Plus Dallon’s never swung that way; I have no reason to worry. He’s probably just trying to fit in. One of us has to.

Knowing I’m not going to see Dallon for a while longer, I head upstairs to find the bathroom, placing my empty champagne glass on a nearby table as I go.

The party is hosted in some rich fan’s mansion. It’s the seventh tour date yet this party feels bigger than the kick off one. Certainly a bigger turnout, more drugs, more celebrities, more rooms to get lost in, more dark corners to hide in, more everything. It was originally meant to be for Keltie’s arrival, but now I guess it’s for her departure.

So that’s probably the reason why I haven’t seen any of the guys just about all night except for the occasional glances of them disappearing with a random pretty girl. They’re all easy fucks here. High or drunk or maybe both. They’ll be the last to know.

Not that they’d regret the decision to fuck a member of the world’s next biggest band. I mean let’s not lie to ourselves. They’re good looking guys. Sure, some of them can be assholes but these strangers don’t know it. All they see is that damn fine ass that they’re more than ready to get a piece of. They’re too willing. Throwing themselves at Sisky, Ryan, Spencer, hell even Patrick.

Not that there’s anything wrong with him. He’s cleaned up his act since the first album; he looks good.

Not as good as Ryan though. He’s obviously the looker. The few times I’ve seen him tonight he was being dragged towards one of the many plush bedrooms, all containing king size beds, by a beautiful woman, a look of boredom on his face. He can have sex whenever he wants with whomever he wants. It doesn’t excite him anymore. He’s probably had half the girls at this party. And he’s not even interested in the rest. Most likely wasn’t even bothered about any. He certainly isn’t bothered about me.

At the top of the stairs is a long flowing hallway, both sides surrounded by doors to god knows how many more bedrooms.

The low groans become clearer as I walk quickly down towards the end of the corridor, trying to ignore the pleasured whispers. It’s been a long time since I’ve had any action so just the sound of sex could pop a boner. But I get it. Dallon’s been busy with the band and the tour and the parties. Too busy for sex. Too busy for me.

As I scuttle past I notice a door near the end of the hall on the left is slightly open. My eyes dart inwards for a second before flashing back to my destination. I skid to a halt. My mind races. What… No… I didn’t… It can’t be.

I quickly retrace my steps back towards the door and push it open slightly to get a better view without revealing myself to those inside. I feel my mouth drop open and my eyebrows screw together as I glare at the scene in front of me, shock rushing through my veins.

No. It can’t be. But it is.

‘Uhhhhhhh,’ a deep groan sounds in the back of his throat as he is thrust into yet again. Red, swollen lips push against his repeatedly, tongue swirling into his mouth.

‘Ryan, fuck…’ says the other guy in a far-gone voice. He’s out of it. They’re both out of it. But so into it.

Hands stroke all over each other, passion evident in their eyes as Ryan pushes back against Gabe, exciting the groans and causing his oaky hair to flop over his eyes. A hand instantly slides it back, trying to get a better view of his face.

Both men’s ribs are obvious and they breathe heavily due to the exertion of the sex and it’s a sight of pure enjoyment, but I can’t seem to share the feeling.

Ryan jerks as a loud grunt echoes through him. He repeats ‘Gabe, Gabe, Gabe’ over and over but I’ve already tuned them out, my brain struggling to keep up.

I acknowledge the springs squeaking in the mattress and the headboard banging against the wall to the rhythm of their motions but it seems unreal.

‘Oh,’ one of them cries in a drawn out voice, jolting me back to reality.

This is happening. Ryan’s head is thrown back as he spaces out yet again, completely lost in the pleasure he is clearly having. That Gabe’s giving him. Together.

Gabe, the low life from ‘First Class Mistakes’, who makes fag jokes like they’re oxygen, who has been making passes at me all week, is fucking Ryan. Ryan Ross. The Ryan Ross. The Ryan Ross I’ve seen scuttle off with over 15 girls tonight. But now he’s here, in bed, with him.

I’d be fucking Gabe before I fucked you.’ Rings in my head. Oh, Ryan.

Suddenly the fantasies my head had previously passed off as unrealistic dreams come flooding back as the possibility opens up.

He’s being openly fucked by a guy. I could be that guy. It could be me. My cock pounding into him. Him twitching beneath me. Or maybe him slouched over me. Whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Passion swirling in the room around us. Either way our groans…

The door slams and I jump in shock, finding myself face to face with Spencer.

He’s trying hard to hide it, but I see the suspicion and maybe even anxiety in his wrinkled forehead.

His eyes slide from my surprised face down towards my crouch where his frown turns into an entertained smirk. Only now do I realise the obvious tight fit of my jeans.

‘Surprised to see you up here.’ He says, calmly despite the situation.

‘Uh- bathroom.’ A quick reply, how much more obvious could I make myself.

‘Yeah. Alcohol can do that to you. Screws with the bladder. The brain too. Sometimes you don’t realise what you’re doing.’ I know exactly what he’s hinting at. ‘Think you see things you don’t.’ He adds, eyes thinning as he concentrates on my face once again.

I gulp. ‘Yeah. Good thing I haven’t had much really.’ I need to know what’s going on.

Spencer’s eyes become slits for an instant before opening back up with a fake warmness in them. ‘Yeah, good thing.’ Awkward pause. He expects me to say something. But I don’t know what to say. ‘Even if somebody hadn’t had too much to drink… sometimes it’s better to keep your mouth shut though, you know. Especially when it’s… none of your business.’ Anger flares in his light blue eyes.

I nod and answer him with an anxious smile before turning to walk away.

‘Unless you want it to be your business.’ He throws in with a taunting voice.

I quicken my steps away from him.

‘You could just ask then.’

Just a bit further.

‘Fucking has nothing to do with relationships. Better to just get it over and done with if it’s gonna happen anyway, you know.’ I falter, is he really suggesting that?

‘That’s what Dallon said anyway.’ He finishes and then I’m flying down the stairs.

Ah, I have been busy planning another fic which I am co-writing and so that is my explanation to why this is so late. I hope you enjoy it as much as you can as it marks the end of 'Discovery'. I'll be taking a break from this for a little while, probably until after Christmas but you'll still have my other fic I just mentioned as well as some ficlets! When Indifference does return, it will be part 2 titled 'Intimacy' and it will be from Ryan's POV for most of the way. Hopefully I will talk to you all soon. YAY.

Tags: indifference, r, ryden
  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded